Hate Being Lectured

Don’t You Hate To Be Lectured? I sure do hate to be lectured especially on subjects I already have a hard time dealing with.

When I was growing up I lived and worked on a farm and I worked my rear-end off too. Nothing about being a farmer is easy.

When I got married I had to get a real job so I could support my family. I drove a tractor-trailer for 20 years.

I was a big person anyway, I stood 6’4″ and weighed about 400 pounds. But after 20 years in the truck, I got hurt. And I was forced to retire from driving a truck or working anywhere else.

In 2005 that was the last year I worked, and I gained a lot of weight. At my heaviest, I weighed 580 pounds. In 2016 I was at the end of my rope. I had given up, I was dealing with being divorced and the many health problems and so I just gave up. I ended up being hospitalized for mental breakdown and suicidal thoughts. The 7 days I spent in the hospital changed my life.

I was getting the proper medicines and therapy. Still to this day go to therapy and see a psychiatrist on a regular basis. My diagnoses of severe depression (from not being able to work anymore). And anxiety (worrying a lot about bills and things). Going from being a happy go lucky person to a demon from hell in a span of about 10 minutes has caused a lot of stress in my life.

So after my stint in the hospital, I had a new mission. I was going to get healthier and get out of the house. I decided to go to a local weight loss center and discuss the option of having weight loss surgery. The surgeon wanted me to lose some weight before doing the surgery. The goal was to get as close to 500 pounds as I could before surgery.

So I completely changed my eating habits in one day. I quit drinking pop, sweet tea, or anything with sugar. I started drinking lots of water. At least 64 ounces of water per day. I got rid of all sugars except for what is in fruits and vegetables and I started eating three times per day. I had not done this since before starting to drive a truck. Always I ate one time a day and snacked the rest of the time. Now I was going to eat three times per day. It was a muscle milk protein shake for breakfast. A big salad and a naked burrito without the tortilla for dinner and supper.

I began to lose weight. I just couldn’t comprehend it because I thought I was eating more. And in my mind, I should have been gaining weight. But I was losing and losing a lot. I would sometimes lose 20+ pounds in about three weeks I actually dropped 100 pounds before surgery. When I started the journey at 580 pounds. And by the time my surgery date came in I was at 480 pounds.  I was so proud of myself.

But after surgery things went downhill. I stopped losing weight even though I was exercising and being more active. Plus eating way less than before. I actually gained 10 pounds in three weeks after surgery and that was on a liquid only diet. I suppose it was all the salt that is in canned food items like soup. My surgery date anniversary is coming upon me in less than a month. I am still as heavy as I was. Granted I can’t get out as much because of winter time. But still, I am very disappointed with my surgery results. If I had the choice to do it over again…I would not have the surgery.

Today as I left my therapist office and came back home I mention to my sister-n-law that drove me there. She drives me to all of my appointments as I stopped driving in 2005. So she does the grocery shopping and all my errands for me she is also my power of attorney. I asked her as I exited the vehicle when she would be going to the store again.

She said the weekend and I said well you may have to run to the local market for me before then. Now I get a lecture. She replies we (meaning me) are spending too much on food for you and that you are gaining weight. She buys the same exact food items every week no more or no less. Except for this week, they were out of a few items. So I actually got less this week – hence the reason said she might have to run to the local store.

My reply was:

Just so you know – you bought LESS food this past weekend than before…I don’t appreciate the “you’re fat” comment. I already KNOW I’m FAT.  I don’t need someone telling me the obvious. And now I will have to think long and hard about ever going back to the weight place again…Since it was not my idea to do the surgery in the first place. I had actually decided to not do the surgery. And to just see how long and how much weight I could lose like I was doing. You pushed me into doing it saying it would be the best thing for me. It has ONLY caused me and everyone around me more stress. And I can’t handle it.
We stopped talking that day and it took me a while before I ever started talking with her again. Things aren’t the same between us. But things are ok.
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